Deux to Due: Beating My Contractions Anxiety

Almost there. Two days to my due date. It seems like it was only yesterday when I was sweating on the elliptical watching Barry Manilow singing Copaabana on a morning show, crying my eyes out because “I never knew how horribly sad the lyrics were”, or when I was frantically struggling to remove my nail polish for 30 minutes only to realize I was using rubbing alcohol rather than nail polish remover. Ach, the revelations of early pregnancy…

Almost there…although…  I’m still really enjoying the pregnancy. I’m still physically comfortable and absolutely relish in euphorically bonding with my baby girl via our belly games. I’m not even close to the “Get this baby out of me already” sensations. Combine that with my initial anxiety (on the verge of phobia) related to labor and delivery pain (AKA the Unknown) and realize the ridiculousness… (at least my ridiculousness is consistent). Now, how do I get from point A (not ready) to point B (ready)?

I’ve done it all…yoga, mastered breathing techniques, Lamaze class, auto-suggestion…you name it. I find it fascinating that logic hasn't been working too well as a preparation tool. I mean I've been fantasizing incessantly about the magical moment when I’ll be meeting my Lulu; feeling her against my skin, holding her, our beautiful creation, instantly discovering new definitions of marvel and love. And yet, I still find myself obsessing over the physical pain. It didn't help me to call it intense pressure/discomfort/waves of sensation. All I've been able to imagine is excruciating pain that my body wouldn't be able to handle. Yes, I know, of course my body can handle it, but remember? I’m consistently ridiculous.

But….something happened to me. A new thought came to me today while daydreaming about the gift we’re about to receive, infusing me with a confidently warm invitation to the most intense contractions- welcome, my dears! Come on in!

It was simple math (I’m pretty sure it’s actually physics or some other science, but please allow my preggo brain to use “simple math”): 

Do I want to meet her? Yes is a pathetic understatement.

How eager am I to reach that enchanted moment of becoming a mother? As eager as can be.

How many times have I envisioned those first moments? Countless! First moments of welcoming her into our world in almost disbelief that the same baby I’ve been growing, loving, feeding and getting to know inside my belly for all these months, that baby is now comforted on the outside of my belly. I can touch her, smell her, feel her and look at her. She’s here!

Well, not yet. She’s not here yet. Where was I? Simple math. Sorry, I got carried away…

My new thought was that each contraction is actually going to provide me with another step closer to meeting Lulu. Simple! Yes! Does she want to come out? Yes! Do I want to meet her? Yes! Well, then, all I have to do whenever I feel a contraction is remember that the pain is simply a reassuring sign that I am creating more room for Lulu to make her grand entrance!

I am now thrilled to welcome you, brilliant contractions! Join me in bringing Lulu into our world! Come on in! Create her path out to me, to us, to her new life!

Now………..let’s hope I maintain this bravery 
in 2…3…7 days, or whenever I’m introduced to my new allies, who from now on I decided to call… Contractors.