Almost
there. Two days to my due date. It seems like it was only yesterday when I was sweating on the elliptical watching Barry Manilow singing Copaabana on a morning show,
crying my eyes out because “I never knew how horribly sad the lyrics were”, or when
I was frantically struggling to remove my nail polish for 30 minutes only to
realize I was using rubbing alcohol rather than nail polish remover. Ach, the
revelations of early pregnancy…
Almost
there…although… I’m still really
enjoying the pregnancy. I’m still physically comfortable and absolutely relish in
euphorically bonding with my baby girl via our belly games. I’m not even close
to the “Get this baby out of me already” sensations. Combine that with my
initial anxiety (on the verge of phobia) related to labor and delivery pain
(AKA the Unknown) and realize the ridiculousness… (at least my ridiculousness
is consistent). Now, how do I get from point A (not ready) to point B (ready)?
I’ve
done it all…yoga, mastered breathing techniques, Lamaze class, auto-suggestion…you
name it. I find it fascinating that logic hasn't been working too well as a preparation
tool. I mean I've been fantasizing incessantly
about the magical moment when I’ll be meeting my Lulu; feeling her against my
skin, holding her, our beautiful creation, instantly discovering new
definitions of marvel and love. And yet, I still find myself obsessing over the
physical pain. It didn't help me to call it intense pressure/discomfort/waves
of sensation. All I've been able to imagine is excruciating pain that my body wouldn't be able to handle. Yes, I know, of course my body can handle it, but
remember? I’m consistently ridiculous.
But….something
happened to me. A new thought came to me today while daydreaming about the gift
we’re about to receive, infusing me with a confidently warm invitation to the
most intense contractions- welcome, my dears! Come on in!
It
was simple math (I’m pretty sure it’s actually physics or some other science,
but please allow my preggo brain to use “simple math”):
Do I want to meet her?
Yes is a pathetic understatement.
How
eager am I to reach that enchanted moment of becoming a mother? As eager as can
be.
How
many times have I envisioned those first moments? Countless! First moments of welcoming
her into our world in almost disbelief that the same baby I’ve been growing,
loving, feeding and getting to know inside my belly for all these months, that
baby is now comforted on the outside of my belly. I can touch her, smell her,
feel her and look at her. She’s here!
Well,
not yet. She’s not here yet. Where was I? Simple math. Sorry, I got carried
away…
My
new thought was that each contraction is actually going to provide me with
another step closer to meeting Lulu. Simple! Yes! Does she want to come out?
Yes! Do I want to meet her? Yes! Well, then, all I have to do whenever I feel a contraction is remember that the pain is simply a reassuring sign that I am creating more
room for Lulu to make her grand entrance!
I
am now thrilled to welcome you, brilliant contractions! Join me in bringing
Lulu into our world! Come on in! Create her path out to me, to us, to her new
life!
Now………..let’s
hope I maintain this bravery
in 2…3…7 days, or whenever I’m introduced to my new allies, who from now on I decided to call… Contractors.
in 2…3…7 days, or whenever I’m introduced to my new allies, who from now on I decided to call… Contractors.
