5 Steps for a Healthy Selfie

Deux to Due: Beating My Contractions Anxiety

Almost there. Two days to my due date. It seems like it was only yesterday when I was sweating on the elliptical watching Barry Manilow singing Copaabana on a morning show, crying my eyes out because “I never knew how horribly sad the lyrics were”, or when I was frantically struggling to remove my nail polish for 30 minutes only to realize I was using rubbing alcohol rather than nail polish remover. Ach, the revelations of early pregnancy…

Almost there…although…  I’m still really enjoying the pregnancy. I’m still physically comfortable and absolutely relish in euphorically bonding with my baby girl via our belly games. I’m not even close to the “Get this baby out of me already” sensations. Combine that with my initial anxiety (on the verge of phobia) related to labor and delivery pain (AKA the Unknown) and realize the ridiculousness… (at least my ridiculousness is consistent). Now, how do I get from point A (not ready) to point B (ready)?

I’ve done it all…yoga, mastered breathing techniques, Lamaze class, auto-suggestion…you name it. I find it fascinating that logic hasn't been working too well as a preparation tool. I mean I've been fantasizing incessantly about the magical moment when I’ll be meeting my Lulu; feeling her against my skin, holding her, our beautiful creation, instantly discovering new definitions of marvel and love. And yet, I still find myself obsessing over the physical pain. It didn't help me to call it intense pressure/discomfort/waves of sensation. All I've been able to imagine is excruciating pain that my body wouldn't be able to handle. Yes, I know, of course my body can handle it, but remember? I’m consistently ridiculous.

But….something happened to me. A new thought came to me today while daydreaming about the gift we’re about to receive, infusing me with a confidently warm invitation to the most intense contractions- welcome, my dears! Come on in!

It was simple math (I’m pretty sure it’s actually physics or some other science, but please allow my preggo brain to use “simple math”): 

Do I want to meet her? Yes is a pathetic understatement.

How eager am I to reach that enchanted moment of becoming a mother? As eager as can be.

How many times have I envisioned those first moments? Countless! First moments of welcoming her into our world in almost disbelief that the same baby I’ve been growing, loving, feeding and getting to know inside my belly for all these months, that baby is now comforted on the outside of my belly. I can touch her, smell her, feel her and look at her. She’s here!

Well, not yet. She’s not here yet. Where was I? Simple math. Sorry, I got carried away…

My new thought was that each contraction is actually going to provide me with another step closer to meeting Lulu. Simple! Yes! Does she want to come out? Yes! Do I want to meet her? Yes! Well, then, all I have to do whenever I feel a contraction is remember that the pain is simply a reassuring sign that I am creating more room for Lulu to make her grand entrance!

I am now thrilled to welcome you, brilliant contractions! Join me in bringing Lulu into our world! Come on in! Create her path out to me, to us, to her new life!

Now………..let’s hope I maintain this bravery 
in 2…3…7 days, or whenever I’m introduced to my new allies, who from now on I decided to call… Contractors.

My First Pregnancy: Life, Art & the Art of Life

July 2012. I get cast in Dovid Meyer, a feature film, playing Elisheva, a woman whose world falls apart due to unbearable loss, but the new life growing inside her, among other miracles, leads her to new heights of happiness.

August 1st, 2012. One week before I pack my suitcases to go upstate New York and shoot that feature, I am feeling strange cramps and so I call my gynecologist. She urges me to take a pregnancy test as soon as possible….

My first chance to take a pregnancy test that day was at Greg’s office, where we were meeting in the evening to go see a show. Thank God we bought the 3 pack, as I ruined one test by peeing all over the stick (I still don’t quite know how to do it right, but we won’t get into that).  
A few minutes into exploring the intricacies of a pregnancy test, we found out that I….we….were PREGNANT!  What a marvelous moment…., finding out that our love had created a tiny seed of life that was going to become a person in just a few months. Pure magic! ("This, from sex?!!”, I heard myself screaming at the doctor during our first ultrasound). At the same time, we didn't expect it to happen so soon after deciding to start a family….and I was about to travel upstate to shoot a movie playing a PREGNANT woman! Craaazy!

I decided not to disclose my pregnancy on set…., which was quite challenging, but I didn't want the extra attention. I regretted it at times, especially every time I had to put on my fake pregnancy belly after a heavy lunch, but I kept my mouth shut. On day 7, morning sickness kicked in. Fun times, personally defined more like “All-Day-Except-for-Morning-Sickness”.  Please note that my not-morning sickness had a quite impressive work ethic: On my days off, I was rolling in bed, trying hard to read about early pregnancy symptoms, nauseous beyond belief, grossed out by most food (except for Friendship 2% cottage cheese, which was nowhere to be found in the area, but my knight in shining armor would appear in my hotel room every weekend with special deliveries from NYC.  I have the most amazing husband). On work days, I would be up and running, prepared for 5 am call times and very long days with no sign of nausea or exhaustion. Magic.

On December 9th my world fell apart. My dad passed away. Daddy’s girl lost her daddy. There were no tools for me to deal with the unbearable pain. I could not imagine a world without my Aba, without our special bond, our unique language that no one quite understood. I could not imagine a world where my kids, especially the one growing inside me, didn’t know their one-of-a-kind Saba. I could not contain the grief. It was the most traumatizing and agonizing experience of my life and at the same time, the most magical time of creating a life inside me. The polarity was indigestible. There were no answers to my questions. I was sad and angry. I refused to accept the loss of my dad and slowly I moved to what I call “half denial”: When sadness took over and the tears didn’t stop, I would tell myself that it didn’t really happen. I know it’s my defense mechanism, protecting myself because I’m pregnant, but it was the only way for me to cope through my pregnancy.
I was still in awe of my growing belly and the life inside me, but the magical euphoria of creation I was experiencing prior to December 9th was nowhere to be found. It was scary to feel like a different person. I couldn't find the inspired, naturally positive half-glass-full Liat, even though my incredibly supportive friends and family kept reminding me that she was still in there.

She indeed was. I rediscovered her once Lulu’s pronounced movements took over (Lulu=temporary name for our baby girl). I couldn’t help it. Every time I felt her gracefully dancing inside my belly, I found myself laughing with joy, overwhelmed by a warm wave of bliss. I became absolutely addicted to touching my belly, trying to recognize feet, legs, hands, knees…I saw the sun again, and I let it in. I’ve been letting it in ever since. There has been no other way.

It’s my dad’s birthday today, first birthday without him, and I’m almost 39 weeks pregnant. Our baby girl will be ready to come out any day now. She is the reason why I can smile today. She is the reason why my tears of sadness can easily turn to tears of joy. While shooting Dovid Meyer, I was so entertained by the coincidence of playing a pregnant woman while being very newly pregnant, but I could not imagine that months later, I would share a lot more than pregnancy with Elisheva, a woman whose world falls apart due to unbearable loss, but the new life growing inside her, among other miracles, leads her to new heights of happiness.

Can’t wait to meet my Lulu, our miracle of life! 

Northeast Road Trip- A Feast for Our Senses

I've always known that New England insects love me. They still do, but that didn't have any negative effect on our outstandingly pleasurable road trip, which ended very appropriately last night, with 4th of July fireworks. Greg claims that there was a circle of flying  buzz around me throughout our hiking excursions this past week. Despite his constant attempts to swat them away, they managed to make frequent contact with my skin...Nevertheless, I'm at peace with it: They're only doing their job, I refuse to use DEET, and the one time we used the very natural Buzz Away Extreme, I was nauseated to the core to the point that being bitten sounded like the attractive alternative. 

So I've been bitten, so what? (not Greg, just me!) I'll say it's a very small price to pay for a magical road trip. I mean it.

  I've been taking a lot of pictures lately, so it's only natural that I'm going to share our incredible experience using more than just words.... 

Hugging a tree right into Lake Champlain with hair sticking to my freshly sunscreened face. Always wear sunscreen :-)

A closer look into the tree to my left in previous photo.

Gorgeous Mushroom by the Lake. Can't stop staring. Is it just me or are the mushrooms staring back?

Lake Placid blew me away. Yes, first time. Will be back soon!

More breathtaking Lake Placid View

Flowers.

This delightful flower is everywhere!

My favorite color is purple. Craving my favorite coffee (naturally flavored & organic), we bump into a purple coffee house (!), serving Jim's Hazelnut Organic Coffee!!!! And that's not it! Inside you feel like you're on another planet. Loved the green attitude (pasta stir straws- yes!), loved the gallery upstairs, loved reading quietly, sipping excellent coffee and sampling their yummy dishes. 

I told you....

Trees, mountains and clouds in perfect harmony


Mirror Lake, Lake Placid. Serenity Now.


Dreamy bridge on the way to Vermont


Entering Vermont. They look like people to me.



This is the view from the dining room window of The Rabbit Hill Inn, as we sit down for our incredible dinner experience. It has just started to rain, which takes the candlelit dinner to an even higher level of romantic and cozy. Did I say romantic? Rabbit Hill Inn is possibly the most romantic place on earth and is like no other inn. 
Dinner was beyond delicious and everything about it involved at least 3 senses...

 
Beets can be magical, yes.



I want to find a way to make this soup. There's cucumber, there's melon, there's watermelon, and I've never tasted anything like it.



You'd think it's just a salad, but oh, no, it's not. Harvest Hill Farms Head Lettuces & Early summer Vegetables tossed in lemon vinaigrette. Yummy local produce.

Rare-Seared Hawaiian Kampachi with broccoli rabe and mushrooms. Where can I find this fish in NYC??? I'm still trying to describe its unique mouth-watering flavor. Like buttah! 

Not reading coffee grounds, just staring into tea

Soooooo good!! Peach Tart Caprese

peach-basil tart, fresh mozzarella ice cream, cherry tomato jam.

YES! This one is soooo delicious! The flavors keeps surprising you while you chew!  

Mayan Chocolate Shortcake spiced chocolate biscuit filled with strawberries and lime, white chocolate crema, and mint

Sewing Kit in the room. Did I mention the inn was established in 1795?

The more you walk around, the more you discover...

We found a nest by the inn's pond!

And flowers.

More.

Did I mention purple is my favorite?

Heading south, we found this at the Littleton, NH Co-Op. Open and sip?

Trying to figure out if this is the first dam I've ever seen in the flesh. Either way, it's captivating. Waterford, VT.

What a feeling, to be the only car on the road! That happened a lot on the road trip. 


Time to head home.

One more thing. Hanover, home of Dartmouth, is a cute little town, highly recommended if you're in the area. We made a perfect little stop there, with a memorable visit to Left Bank Books, where you can find used, out of print and rare books. I lost track of time once I discovered a fascinating theater gem....

Downstairs you can't miss and shouldn't miss The Dirty Cowboy Cafe. They have the BEST single serve coffee collection I've ever seen (yes, I went for flavored). Their bagels are BETTER than H&H (and I'm a big H&H fan), and if you want fresh veggie juice, you'll find great combinations! (I recommend my mix of organic carrot, beet & ginger). Very inviting atmosphere too.

Happy Belated 4th!!!! Here's to metaphorical year-round fireworks!!

That was my first attempt at photoblogging. Hope you enjoyed. 

I'll be back soon, with or without pictures....

Life Force, Gratitude, Hope and Love - Post Nursing Home Visit

(For my Hero)

They wait for him. He is the highlight and the sunlight of their day. Some cannot see him, but his voice, energy and words manage to clear out existential blurriness and sprinkle laughter over their achy bodies and souls. His spark warmly strokes their hearts, sending my mind directly to Henry V…

Oh, that unforgettable 4^th act prologue. 

I see overwhelming suffering everywhere I look. The air is soaked in stomach turning smells. I hear dulled unbearable pain. I almost can’t breathe. I am surrounded by expressionless expressions, marginal or evasive consciousness, and my heightened compassion is battling with my acute urge to run out and never come back. Hope. Where is the hope. Where do they go from here. What do they know, want to know, able to know, refuse to know. Life keeps them going. Life force makes me ponder its meaning, and oh so typically…the meaning of life.

Entering a room, his voice instantly softens the gloomiest despair, and you can almost see the warmest wave taking over the space. He smiles and they smile. He tells a joke and they laugh. He offers them a special brand of hope; he customizes compliments and fills their eyes, those mirrors of their souls, with comforting glee and cheerful memories.

How does he do it? His strength, energy, presence, humor and unique conduct radiate healing powers.  Everyone here is so profoundly touched by him; I see it in the glowing smiles on staff and patients’ faces as they greet him in the long somber corridors. You can almost touch the atmosphere change that he brings about. 

I walk next to him, filled to the brim with admiration, gratitude and love. I am proud, oh so proud.  My man. MY man.

I look at him attentively while I hold his hand tighter, subconsciously attempting to transfuse him with energetic fuel, just in case. And we walk out to the rarely sunny and warm winter day.

One Week till GUTS is OUT!

"I can feel it. I can touch it... I'm here!"
Though this is a quote from GUTS, it also describes how I am feeling today, exactly one week before the vision of GUTS materializes.
Yes, I am here. A couple of years back (and forgive me for the cheesy moment....) I read 4 lines from my diary to my mentor, Gregory Simmons, and he said "You must create a play out of this!"....
"What?! Who? Where? How?.....No way! That's a crazy thought!", I responded... Plus, it's my personal "stuff"! 
Mr. Simmons insisted that there is something very universal in my messages, he urged me to keep writing, he urged me to get out of my comfort zone, he urged me to develop a play because what I had to say was bigger than me...
I resisted. I resisted A LOT....But what kept me going (other than Mr. Simmons' incessant support and faith in this project) was that deep inside I knew that GUTS could make a difference. At first I didn't know exactly what kind of "difference", but I'm more clear about it these days. 
The name GUTS came to me one day, not too long ago, after quite a while of working on a nameless play. It immediately felt like "the one". Made so much sense to me. I had somehow known that the name would come when it's ready to come, and it did... All the associations of the word GUTS exist in this play, though the word is not used even once. 


Cut to where we are now.....


That diary, which I always liked personalizing (I tend to personalize things....), became Mr. Diary; fiction was added; Middle Eastern dance, an agent in telling the story of Hellthy, was added; multimedia was added; many drafts were created over and over...And then I found my superwoman director/producer, Shoshona Currier, and she put together an incredible team, gifted award-winning designers, passionate artists, who amaze me every day. I couldn't have asked for more. 
GUTS, my surreal dramdey, my multi-media fantasia, is going to hit the stage in one week! What began as a personal story of triumph, something a private person like me did NOT want to share with the world, is about to materialize as a theatrical piece. Now, that alone seems surreal to me....But like my mentor said, it's a lot bigger than me, and I am beyond honored to be the GUTS' vessel.


Here's a lil something from yesterday's costume fitting (Sydney Maresca, our costume designer, is a wizard...):

GUTS Film Shoot Blew Me Away

Even though today was a long day of shooting footage for GUTS, including, but not limited to, a lot of dancing (you'll see it on stage and on screen when you come see it...), which resulted in sore muscles and (sweet) exhaustion, I had to stop by here and say how amazing today was. We shot most of what will end up becoming the "multimedia fantasia" aspect of GUTS, all done brilliantly by our incredible video designer- Kaz Phillips Safer. Can't wait to see the footage!

Gotta say, I was blown away today by her ideas, creativity and imagination, not to mention by the strong wind, provided by New York City. I don't care that I had to cut my nails (for the first time! I love my long nails) for the role of Hellthy, and I don't care that I had to wear summer clothes while the cold wind was trying to fly me away. Because it's worth it. My GUTS experience these days is a dream come true. I couldn't have asked for a more talented, inspired and passionate team. So much dedicated work is put into GUTS, and to think that it's a solo show....

My body needs to rest now.....until tomorrow's rehearsal. 

We open in 2 weeks!!! 

GUTS.

My GUTS...coming out....soon...

PS. I leave you with a photo taken on set today, with our edible props...